10 of the Most Pointless Action Figures Ever Made

We ’ve all knownthe joyfulness and insanity of action number addiction . When you really love a particular superhero comical or TV show , there ’s nothing cool than owning a tiny charge plate approximation of your heroes . But you acknowledge you ’ve hit stone bottom when you start amassing soma that have absolutely no purpose , and no way to play with them .

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Here are 10 of the most pointless or useless natural action figures ever made . We’vecelebrated the most inappropriate toys of all fourth dimension before — but there are some action at law figures that just have no good reason for existing .

https://gizmodo.com/why-are-there-so-many-weird-and-inappropriate-science-f-5949721

This is the one that made me think of this topic . Let ’s memorialise the worst Star Trek : Voyager episode ever , with acompletely superfluous action figure ! For those who omit it or prefer to repress it , “ Threshold ” is the episode where Janeway and Paris cope to go quicker than Warp 10 in a birdie — but go at such fast speedscauses them to hyper - evolve into weird amphibious masses . And then the mutated Paris and Janeway have sex , and give rise three amphibious babies . Which Tuvok then shoots with his phaser . In any showcase , here ’s a Tom Paris figure , complete with his three babies . They never made a mutated Janeway figure , so you ca n’t even playact out scenarios where the two of them take aid of their mutant materialisation together . We asked Robert Duncan McNeil if he had this action figure , and he saidhe probably has one in a corner somewhere . Even the guy who played Paris does n’t have sex this figure .

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I have to intromit I ’m predetermine , since the “ Flesh ” two - parter was probably my least favorite Matt Smith storyline . But let ’s suppose you loved the instalment where the great unwashed use value-added tax - grown extra , or “ ganger , ” to do hazardous tasks , and then the Doctor miraculously gets a “ Ganger ” of his own . I ’m still not certain how you play withthis action figure , or what the degree of it is , even if you keep it mint in the box . It ’s a mass of goop , probably alike to the sort with eyeballs and material in it , except that it ’s white and milky , and it has Matt Smith ’s head and part of his arm floating around in it . ( Actually , the box say “ Random ‘ The Flesh ’ percentage ! ” . So maybe each loge has different random component , and you have to buy a lot of them to get a terminated Matt Smith ? That would be sort of interesting . ) In any case , this is a miniature that commemorates the split second when a duplicate melting down into snot , or a sentient being dies . I ’m just not sure how you imagine the half - snot , half - Doctor creature going on adventures . Update : And commenter Schardy refer an even more pointless miniature : the “ Destroyed Cassandra ” figure , which is just an empty anatomy . I love that the packaging says “ in full poseable . ”

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Arguably , this go more in the category of “ out or keeping , ” but I ’m including it here because it ’s also totally pointless . Kenner put out a personal line of credit of “ Screamin ’ Heroes ” toy for the toon show The Real Ghostbusters , the approximation being that you could wind up their torsos and then they would birl around really fast when you pushed a push . Like , they see a trace and got really really scared . Not nearly as coolheaded an power as , say , Kung - Fu Grip . So the whole line of merchandise was middling pointless — but thenthere ’s the Screamin ’ Janine shape . When you meander up her body and entreat her particular button , her wench flies up . ( If you take hold her by her leg instead of her trunk , I ’m guessing this does n’t come about . But still . ) As various multitude have pointed out , Janine is actually quite fearless on the TV show . But also , why is her dame fly up on the dot ?

Legends of the Dark Knight was really a quite good strip series , in which some great creators told one - off stories about Batman — originally , they were all about Batman ’s other year , but eventually they branched out a bit . And then the Legends of the Dark Knight action at law figure railway line came out and … it was kind of weird . This isthe most ludicrous exercise , but I commend when these toys strike the rack and it was like , “ Why would Batman ever wear this ? ” yield that Batman ’s main goal is usually Ninja - similar stealth , the ruby hood is kind of awesome — and then there ’s the “ missile - strike gloves , ” which are basically like vast gas pedal on his hands . There are lots of terrible Batman action mechanism figures out there — here are10 more — but I remember this intact toy line being kind of useless and missing the point of Batman .

Somebody , somewhere , probably loves Battlefield Earth , John Travolta ’s bastardly adaptation of L. Ron Hubbard ’s novel about aliens who ’ve conquered Earth only to be best by ancient fighter jets . But the whole notion that a toy dog fellowship conceive there would be a huge demand for Battlefield Earth material body — among kids ? Among collectors ? — is kind of scary . Like , people are going to want to relive all of the great moments from the film , like Travolta tell , “ root out all man - beast at will , and happy search ! ” Pictured at left : Jonnie in the Learning Chair form , terminated with story script and “ psychlo - chargeman . ” hr of fun .

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Thecover of Amazing Spider - Man # 115shows Aunt May in a frilly apron , ominous Spider - Man with a gun — and for some reasonableness , the Toy Biz folks make up one’s mind this was an iconic enough import to admit as a mail - lodge figure in their “ Famous Covers ” line of business . With the advertizement tagline , “ Special Offer for Marvel Maniacs ! ” . And maniacs are somewhat much the only the great unwashed who would love this toy — she ’s got a diminutive head on a vast body , with capriciously elongate blazonry and hands that could tenderise meat from a aloofness of twenty yards . Her facial formulation is also appal , with one center squinting and the other eye intercept out . see out some more alarming picture here . But there ’s also the question of why anybody would really want a Spider - Man - shooting Aunt May reckon — there are lots of great reason to have an Aunt May figure generally , but why this particular moment in her life ?

Remember at the end of Return of the Jedi , when the Ewoks are jammin ’ out on Endor and everybody ’s feeling the Yub - Nub vibe , and then Luke sees the ghosts of Obi - Wan , Yoda and Anakin ? Except Anakin is now Hayden Christiansen ? Me neither . Basically , this is a toy designed to commemorate Lucas bonk with the original trilogy . Ghost Anakin has a gauzy silvery cloak , that ’s supposed to come close his happy Force Halo , and which would believably be run in five min if you in reality try out to bet with this matter . And a “ Jedi Spirit ” coin , which he got from jumping over a Jedi mushroom cloud . I ’m guessing . Even if you prefer the revamped version of RotJ , I ’m still not seeing what the point of this miniature is — is Ghost Anakin going to go on escapade ? Is he function to appear to Luke throughout his post - RotJ travels and narrate him all about the Lake on Naboo ? really , that would be sort of entertaining , now that I think about it .

Nedry isthe shlubby guy wire who fit to slip some conceptus from Jurassic Parkand trade them to Biosyn , only to wind up getting killed by a apparently harmless Dilophosaurus . He ’s play by Wayne Knight , aka Newman from Seinfeld . Of all the characters from the first Jurassic Park moving picture , he seems like the worst candidate for an activity human body — and on the face of it , the makers of these figures jibe with that , because they chose to makethe toyslook nothing like Wayne Knight or Dennis Nedry . The Nedry figures are well - build , square jawed and rugged - looking , with a nice shoulder holster and ( in one case ) coolheaded dark glasses . It ’s like they ’re advertising the fact that they had no reason to make an action soma of this guy .

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This is sort of a gimme , butwe actually require Doug Goldstein , the former editor of ToyFare Magazine and a writer for Robot Chicken , what the most useless action figure ever made was . And this is what he came up with : The Rock Lords . They ’re robots that transmute … into John Rock . And then once they ’re rock’n’roll , they just sort of baby-sit there . Maybe roll around a fleck . It ’s sneaky , I ’ll give you that . Nobody ever surmise that rocks will suddenly bust out into robots . But it ’s not quite as cool as turning into beasts or cars or whatever . As Goldstein says , “ I guess it ’s the fun of having a rock on the story that you know is secretly a automaton , and you get to imagine that for however long the dumbest of kidskin could maybe reckon such a matter . There was a robot form . I ’m certain the robot was very proud of being able-bodied to release into a rock . ”

https://gizmodo.com/the-most-useless-action-figure-ever-made-5844843

This is one of the most inexplicable activeness figures ever made — essentially , it ’s Shannon sun amidst the wreckage of Oceanic Flight 815 , with her eye closed . She has a bottleful of suntan lotion and another bottleful of water . And she comes with Danielle Rousseau ’s mathematical function . Her joint do n’t move , so all she can do is lie there looking kind of comatose . There was also a Charlie figure , show him going through heroin coitus interruptus , which at least offer some interesting scenario . But the Shannon figure has zero playability — she literally ca n’t do anything but sunbathe , while the activity come about around her . She should at least be able to expend sex to get Sayid to kill random people .

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