There ’s a uncanny mark on your boldness . It was n’t there last week , and it ’s spreading at an alarming pace . Your policy suck , so you explore the internet for help , and before you recognise it , you ’re dropping $ 10,000 to “ reprogram your DNA . ”
Sadly , this story is n’t uncommon : Energy healers and newfangled - eld health gurus , despite being disproven , are still on a regular basis uploading fake remedies to YouTube at an outstanding rate . The videos often fall to the bottom of search results like so much of the other potato - quality dust on YouTube , only to be let on by the dire and willfully delusional . fortuitously for you , we spent time sifting through the muck to discover the most important garbage . This is your A - to - zed guide to bullshit substitute medicine on YouTube .
Acronyms
There ’s a loose divide among health huckster : those that desire their “ treatments ” to appear more ancient and storeyed than they in reality are , and those that want their miracle curative err for actual science . And what ’s the degenerate room to give something lordliness and rigor ? acronym !
Here ’s a quick sampling : NRT(Nutrition Response Testing),KST(Koren Specific Technique),NSA(connection Spine Analysis),OMM(Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine),EFT(Emotional Freedom Technique),ESWL(Extracorporeal Shock Wave Lithotripsy),ART(Allergy Removal Tapping),CRA(Contact Reflex Analysis),CLRT(Cranial Laser Reflex Technique),NAET(Nambudripad ’s Allergy Elimination Techniques),MCT(meridian gloss therapy ) .
I made a few of those up . One of them is actually a logical medical procedure . Can you even tell the difference ? No , you’re able to not .
Honorable reference : Auriculotherapy , because leech out of your ear fixes … something ?
Bio-energy healing
Woosh — there goes your depression . Woosh — there goes your eczema . What do you mean you did n’t have eczema ? Well , it ’s gone now , and all because some guy waved his men in sweeping gesture around your trunk ! Although the flourish did n’t really do anything because “ bio - vigour encourages the body to bring around itself . ” You too can learn all about it by purchasing a $ 40Bio - Chip(i.e . – flash driving ) or by flying out to Costa Rica for a education course .
Honorable mention : Baba the Superbarber , whose 4 million views are for the most part accounted for by the ASMR community .
Chakras
There are seven of them , or possibly K . They can represent unlike colors or organ or emotion . Even the Wikipedia Sir Frederick Handley Page for this stuff and nonsense is totally cryptical . Here ’s a sample : “ The side communication channel run parallel to the center television channel , except at position such as the navel , heart , throat and crown where the two side channels twist around the central channel . At the bellybutton , throat and crown , there is a twofold burl triggered by each side groove twisting once around the fundamental channel . ” Whatever they are , they require constant cleansing and realignment .
Honorable honorable mention : colour therapy , which might heal insomnia but only on news report of how tedious it is .
Distance healing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBHbBOfCi4 g
A really great path to scam multitude out of money without leave the comfort of your own rest home . While some energy therapist claim that all the waggly parts of your gloriole can be realign without any bodily impinging , space healing take that speculation to its utmost , laziest determination . If Skype is n’t connecting , can they just mail you a picture of their hands ?
Honorable mention : Dowsing . Apretty good band , and a middling silent “ scientific discipline . ”
Ear candling
Ear candle claims that stick in a empty candela into your ear canal and lighting it on fire will create sucking . It ’s also a violation of simple aperient . It does n’t remove toxins from your torso . Itdoesn’t even remove earwax ! But it is a great way to block your ear canal , sear your fount , orburn your theatre down .
ethical quotation : Emotional Freedom Technique , which lay claim that tapping on persona of your body can cure diabetes and economic crisis , relieve headaches , and assist you lose weight among other things . My lady friend once went to a healer who suggested EFT . She does n’t see that therapist any longer .
Flames
earnestly , guy cable . No one is going to take you severely without some flames . Whether you ’re staring deep into a wax light , makingpretend fireballswith your energy like aDragon Ball zed character , or spit flames at someone like its your first college political party and you have a bottleful of Bacardi 151 ( as evince above ) , there ’s something about the primitive nature of fire that is immeasurably helpful in duping hoi polloi .
Honorable mention : Feng Shui , which is a very expensive way for a unknown to tell you where to put your furniture .
Gua sha (coining)
Have you ever contract a massage that was so jolting it actually hurt ? Cool . Now ideate that you say , “ Hey , could you please go a little lighter ? ” and your masseuse nod and grinning , and then starts digging into your back even harder with a pointy thing ( Literally any pointy thing . I ’m pretty surethisis a shoe horn . Sometimes it ’s even a bottleful cap ) . The recondite over-embellished contusion across your back are what assure you its workings .
Honorable acknowledgment : Gemstones . Whether you ’re playing demise alloy , EDM , or the blues , you ’re go to need some drum . Gemstones arethe membranophone of quackery .
Homeopathy
The belief that less of something do it more effective , and utterly none of that something constitutes a cure . Whole outfit full of nothing — in bantam Methedrine vials — can feed youhundreds of dollars .
Honorable honorable mention : Hoodoo . Yeah , that guy cable just differentiate you to make “ beloved love ” using someone else ’s menstrual fluid or dried semen , without their consent . Gross .
Is this shit safe on pets?
Of naturally it is !
Just draw shapes in the air
One of the core principles of industrious healing . Sometimes it ’s Japanese or Chinese reference , sometimes its swirls or squiggle . In the case of Soviet - earned run average Russian trust healerAlan Chumak , itusually manifestedas a grown world stroke an invisible and particularly grotesque cat .
Kinesiology (applied)
Not to be confused with regular kinesiology , which is the study of human movement , applied kinesiology subprogram under the notion that “ the soundbox ca n’t lie , ” and that allergens , toxin , and nutritional insufficiency can be determined through “ muscle examination , ” i.e. pressing down on someone ’s sleeve withdifferent amounts of pressureto witness the cause of whatever disease you do or do not actually suffer from .
good mention : Koren Specific Technique . A branch of chiropractic where someone chafe your back with avery expensivevibrator . KST also pee its diagnosis by touching theoccipital dropof the skull , which make it not so different fromphrenology .
Lasers
There is nothing I can say that ’s funnier thanthisimage .
Mesmerism
More commonly know as mesmerism , but originally create and named for Franz Mesmer who , in his time , was driven into deportee for his absurd claim about “ brute magnetic force . ” Although some study lay claim it can help with anxiousness or smoke cessation , it ’s in spades not the right-hand job for a “ persistent throat trouble . ”
honest mention : Myers - Briggs . sad , Master in Business Administration , but it ’s thejunkiestof detritus skill .
Needles
Getting jab is unpleasant . On this subject there can be petty disagreement . So if you ’re live to stick needle into hoi polloi , you ’d well come up with some top notch shit to absolve it — which is why acupuncturists have chart full of “ acme ” with numbered points that have appealingly mystic gens like “ ideational watercraft 6 ” and “ triple warm 12 . ” Sometimes they ’re correlated to chemical element , just like Pokemon !
honourable mention : Numerology . Because someone saw the mental crack-up prospect in A Beautiful psyche and thought “ I desire to experience that constantly . ”
Osteopaths
The wanton term that bear on to people who need to fuck with your os . Some of these citizenry , like chiropractors and masseur , are relatively benignant when they keep their wellness claims unambitious . Others , like craniosacral therapists , are downright charlatans . And then there ’s Rolfing . Just permit that Word of God roam around on your tongue a bit . Rolfing . It ’s a satisfying word . Which is the only explanation for why anyone would spend$20,000and dozens of hour just to call themselves a Certified Rolfer . ™
Honorable mention : Orgone . Anotherband ! Also a massless substance that removes entropy and hasnever been foundto exist .
Pranic healing
Prana is India ’s equivalent weight of Qi — a mystical , totally unprovable lifetime force that beleaguer us and penetrates us and binds the galaxy together . What that has to do with ripping inconspicuous serpents out of someone ’s head we ’ll never know .
estimable mention : telekinesis . grow up to be Yoda is not an achievable end and never will be .
Qi Gong
In China , Qi Gong is a diverse bent of activities focused on physical and spiritual melioration ofquestionable efficacy ; among dumb westerly appropriators it ’s loosely somevaguely secret shitthat decidedly work because it ’s thousands of years old .
honest mention : Quantum Mysticism . I just flaming ca n’t anymore .
Reiki
Apretend - ancientsystem that looks just like bio - energy healing and custody - on healing , but youget to drawNaruto - type shitin the air .
Honorable quotation : Reflexology . A hired hand and pes massage , with all the weirdbody mapsandunnecessary complicationsof acupuncture .
Shaman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxkgBRY_kts
The discussion “ shaman ” conjures up images of wrinkled , sun - stupefy mystics hold out inremote areasof the world , exist on the most spartan diets so that near - starvation might lead them to some divine enlightenment . But , as fortune would have it , justaboutanyonecan be a shaman . You just have to dress the part and remember to do at least three of the following : fray patients with an eggs , spit booze in their typeface , smack them around with leaves , blow cigar smoke on them , move some knife mistily , pretend to lactate bad spirits out of people , and utilize feathers in creative elbow room . And nothing add genuineness like pan - flute euphony .
Theta Healing
With courses range from$900 to $ 5,000 , Theta healing is one of the more expensive way yuppies can part themselves from their easily - earned money . Through pan - spiritual supplication and meditation it alleges to induce theta wave , rearrange DNA , andcure cancer — for marginally less than the price of existent chemotherapy . Thefirst testimonialon the Theta healing website comes from its inventor ’s daughter , which is always a skilful sign .
ethical reference : Tasseography . Because the only thing afternoon tea leaf will tell apart you is that you need a refill .
Urine therapy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZv1P1W187k
Do I have to explain why imbibe your own pee is a big estimation ?
Voodoo
Is mostly distinct from Hoodoo , often conflated with Vodou , and does n’t actually have anything to do withsticking pins into doll , but that does n’t stop eclectic Wiccans from pretending .
What are you talking about?
That ’s a scent bottle full of colored water . What the fuckare you talking about ?
Honorable credit : Send assistant . I do n’t know what any of this means .
X-ray
X stands for x - ray , because it always does — which coincidently is something most of spiritual healers do n’t think of as medically valuable .
Yoni Egg
gormandise a Isidor Feinstein Stone egg into your vagina might be a unspoiled pelvic floor exercise , but some therapist claim it will balance your hormones , increase vaginal lubrication , or institute spiritual clearness . The claim are obviously dubitable , though I suspect that last one is signify euphemistically .
Zero
The amount of times any of these recitation has ever cure a serious disease . And that ’s important because being sick is shuddery . aesculapian procedures are expensive and between the dubiousness of a prognosis and the bewildering amount of jargon thrown around in hospitals — most the great unwashed are just looking for an easier way to infer their ailments and health job .
Others want to put their faith in something complicated and “ ancient ” for emotional guidance . But the sad verity is that there are thousand of people monger miracle doing more harm than dear , gull despairing people out of money — and in the worst cases , forestall people from seeking the discussion they desperately need .
BullshitHealth
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