This was it : the very last instalment of dead on target ancestry season six . And not a single moment of it made a lick of sentiency . However we did get to see that VAMPIRE DONG DA DONG DONG DONG . Spoilers ahead , plus this retread is NSFW for random , dancing vamp breasticles .
The last PRO / CON of the year people , allow ’s do this :
Con : OH MY GOD STILL WITH THIS screwing FUNERAL ?
Pro : Hey Wig .
Pro : Jesus , that ’s some wig , is n’t it ? That , or homeboy went a little crank on the wry shampoo .
Pro : Nope I ca n’t even take heed to anything these two creatures are saying . All I ’m hearing is WIG WIG WIG WIG SKINNY pant WIG WIG WIG WIG WIG .
Pro : I like that Sookie took her shoes off after the funeral . heel are grueling . Side note : I was of late at a Missouri funeral and a spider the size of a toddler ’s principal crawled up my ramification and was steer over my knees during the burial . I had to get it off of me , without screaming or drawing unnecessary attention to my downstairs spider part . So I pretended to settle , also in heels . One of my heels got deposit in the terra firma , so I kind of just kick out violently and bit it . It was the opposite of not drawing attention to myself . uncalled-for to say , I ’m a teras , the spider was never seen of again , and in nine months I will credibly give birth a aggregation of billowy sleek wanderer eggs sackful .
hustle : Alcide pertain to Sookie ’s loss by agreeing and saying , “ That ’s what death does … I know this because I just watched a bunch of teens get ripped aside by brute . What ? No , of course I did n’t report it to the police ! I ’m a fucking lycanthrope . severely I ate a individual like days ago . ”
Pro : Alcide smells something . Makes the “ I smell something ” face . This will never get honest-to-god .
Con : Alcide ’s olfactory organ alert us all to the pack of crack gamey day - walking lamia . fair question : how many time can this show film vampires getting eminent and dancing around ?
Pro : You guys , there are naked vampires jitterbug on the lawn .
Pro : Where ’s the first-rate high vampire who want to feed an entire boxful of Lucky Charms ?
PRO : NORMAL eminent VAMPIRE STUFF .
PRO : MORE NORMAL VAMPIRE STUFF PEOPLE .
Pro : Big ups to the vampires who demand all the other vampire “ Who wants to make a Target run ? ” The crucial moment was n’t the dubiousness , so much as how it was followed up by the off - television camera response from another high vampire , “ I will . ” Good job on answering that important question from a faceless vampire we ’ve never met . Also if “ Who wants to go on a Target run ? ” was in the actual playscript , I would care to see that page framed , next to the actual scene direction , in high spirits lamia jitterbug topless on Vampire Bill ’s house .
Pro : When Violet drink Jason , it micturate a sucking sound like she ’s drinking a milkshake … So are these two in dear now ? Because Violet violated Jason for so long now he likes it ? I like her enough , but this family relationship , I do not interpret yet . Yes , I understand why the masses would all love to see Jason floundering around in between our collective thigh , but why does Violet need him ? Eh whatever , it ’s True Blood town .
Pro : However , I do n’t bear in mind any of the “ I ’m hers now , ” “ she ’s European ” quip Jason keeps pull out . This season basically brought back the Good Times Jason we all loved from the first time of year .
yardbird : I DO NOT like seeing Pam smile normally . It ’s like see a cat take the air on its hind legs . Sookie says , “ well serious fortune with that . ” That ’s pretty much how we all feel about this show now , right ?
Pro : The return of Forever Alone Bill .
Pro : Ohio MY GOD , WARLOW DECORATED A MAYPOLE FOR THEIR WEDDING . Where did he get the perch or the flowers or crystals ? It looks like a rich , gay , Floridian couple ’s wedding . He ’s enwrap the ivy with framework . AAAAAAAH ! I eff IT ! Super Jesus , he has all the details planned , he even break up out the annulus . LOL ADORABLE .
bunco : SURPRISE ASSHOLE ! ! ! ! !
confidence trick : Sookie require if she can date Warlow , and he flip out out and backhands her . Then blame her up by her neck opening and stifle her . So essentially this intact season of trying to get to know another love involvement has all been a whammy ? A surprisal FUCK YOU WE NEED ACTION IN THE CLIMAX braid , that does n’t line in with any of his actions before ?
You could say that , “ Oh Warlow hitting Sookie does n’t have in mind he loves her any less , he ’s just an old creature ” — but you would be wrong . SO WRONG . This character has done absolutely nothing to establish that he ’s a cleaning woman - hating psychopath that will bond up his loved one at the first sign of the zodiac of underground , and that is shitty . Neither has he ever demo a real fish out of water “ Oh this is how it was done in the old ways ” vibration . This is just a turn because they could — and it sop up . And I liked Warlow , and sleep with this . I opine next time of year Arlene should just vote out a cluster of hoi polloi , BECAUSE FUCK IT , CLIMAX .
hustle : I ’m very frustrated by this reveal … however
Pro : VAMPIRE VOLLYBALL .
Pro : They are telling TOP GUN VAMPIRE VOLLYBALL JOKES . terpsichore TO ninety medicine AND WEARING REALLY TERRIBLE OUTFITS . I AM DEAD . Spread my ashes in all of my Ex - Lover ’s umber so I will be WITH THEM FOREVER .
gyp : Pam leave Tara , Tara calls both of her makers the worst . Tara is right . WEIRD .
Con : Bill is exceedingly bummed that his powers are blend in . Two sequence ago he did n’t desire the powers , and now he wants Sookie back . Cue the eye - rolling Aunt Linda , because this is ridiculous Bill . obliterate him , Jason .
Con : In the serial publication finale , time is really knock off dropping off the True roue doctor , because this is a loose end that fans were clamor to see tie up . Did n’t we just suffer through a pantsload of treading - piddle episodes ? Could n’t we have hurl the scientist out then ? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY ?
Pro : Jason goes to blame up Andy ’s fairy daughter , and Andy flips out “ Oh hell no . ” Dammit , this misfortunate piece — people need to bequeath his girl alone ! If I was Andy , I would have locked her away . Also extra pro to Violet and her whole “ monogamous ” talking to about Jason . Cute .
Con : Warlow call Sookie a danger bawd , need back basically everything he ever said about her and love . And says that he wants to use her . painful .
Pro : Violet scar the fag baby into getting them into the other carpenter’s plane . Can we take a minute just to digest the fact that Warlow spend almost all of his fourth dimension in this other woodworking plane ? It ’s the vampire conference way of this season .
confidence trick : Sookie escapes to her home , and recovers long enough for Warlow to dash in and demolish everything . It does n’t count , because eventually the Grandpa Fairy just appears out of nowhere and saves the Clarence Day . The end . Anyone who was following along this season , you ’ve been had . Warlow does n’t matter , the Vampire Camp does n’t really matter , cause it ’s all been washed aside now . SIGH .
yardbird : Everyone loses their sidereal day - walking mightiness because Warlow is bushed . So now that , too , has been rub out .
Pro : EVEN NAKED ERIC lose HIS POWERS ! HELLO NAKED ERIC , THANK YOU HBO .
Pro : Sidenote : Was this how Eric was working out his troubles ? suck in for you Pam . Obviously , since we did n’t see Eric turn into goo , he ’s clearly NOT idle . My guess ? First 5 minutes of the novel season involve Pam sweeping in and carry through Eric .
Pro : Did I cite Eric was NAKED NAKED ? Reminded me of a hairless cat , that I would probably look at having sex with .
Con / Pro : 6 month LATER ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
Pro : You guys , Bill ’s script is called And God Bled . It ’s … . so astonishing . I would like to give one hug to the person who thought of that . Of course his book is the most ridiculous , self do “ I am Jesus but also a human being , ” Biblical whap whap to ever seem .
professional : Anyone else catch Bill saying that Hep V is a really dangerous disease that keeps “ mutating ” ? Because we could n’t figure out how to make this a better threat . Also , big props to Bill for writing a Word about all the human being he dispatch to establish “ trustfulness . ” You ’re doing it wrong , Bill .
Pro : Alcide got a haircut , and is now having gender on the regs with Sookie . Oh young lady . I remember we all saw this coming , I entail everyone else had to tell her no first so she could WIND UP with Alcide . And minus the wig and the murdering , he should n’t be last pick . I give it three episodes .
Pro : Alcide makes oink noise before sexytimes … . yes .
Pro : Violet and Jason are still together , not having sex . He goes down on her some 100 day in a course , without any mandatory handies . I am call horse diddly on this .
Con : And now we will spend 15 moment in a Christian church explain a new vampire and human insurance policy that could have withdraw five minutes to explain without all the jibber jabber .
Con : PAY NO ATTENTION TO THIS DELIGHTFUL LITTLE CHILD SOOKIE IS TALKING TO FOR NO cause .
gyp : While this Rev. is dainty and all . I super , duper hate it when people do that whole “ I ca n’t hear you on this side of the room ” schtick . A lot . A lot . A lot .
Pro : Sam is the Mayor now . vast TWIST .
Pro : Other matter we larn : He ’s still with Denise from Full House , she is still meaning . Arlene own Merlotte ’s now … infer that money came through . Ummmm I suppose that ’s about it . Sookie ’s with Alcide ? Oh right , we covered that already .
Pro : However I enjoy the conjugation - up idea . Could force some sport relationship out . Bit of a quickie human race - construction move , but I ’m into it .
Pro : Lettie Mae Daniels and Tara patch up thing up . It ’s a very gracious moment . Personally I ’m not quite determine the detail , as very little time was spend on Tara this year and we ’re kind of leaving a lot of other character conclusion in the current of air , but sure . For longtime fans , this is a nice relief .
Con : But it ’s totally weird to see her feed on her mom .
Pro : Vampire James is in a circle , of course he is .
Pro : Jessica finds her redemption , babysitting Andy and his family every night to protect them from “ wild lamia , ” whatever that means .
Pro : Bill shows up in his first - time of year closet , require to protect Sookie , Sookie tells him to fuck in good order off , it ’s proficient . In retaliation he call Alcide “ shiny Eyes . ” Actually not a bad burn , Bill .
Con : Oh so … . this is what “ baseless vampire ingroup ” means . So we ’re doing zombies now ? neat . Sigh .
SIGH SIGH SIGH . Overall it was a MUCH effective time of year than the premature year . Which is sad , because last year we had the Meloni is ass - hug slacks and the lamia King of Mississippi . But the tone , taste and sensation were 100 % better , cockamamie , wackier , weirder .
Am I pissed that all the role study was washed-up , thanks to Warlow ’s modification of heart ? Yes . Am I annoyed that the only character who make a little peace of mind was Tara ? Yes . But I ’m glad that Jessica is trying to get hold her forgiveness and that Sookie is capture that delicious wolf sex , which you acknowledge is neat . It felt likeTrue Blood domicile to meand that ’s a majuscule step in the right direction . A terrific one . And we ’re not go to fault them for using their regular , “ take your top off and dance ” shtick . We will always love you for that , True Blood . But if you kill Eric , WE’RE DONE HERE .
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